Mike Howard
Enter Mike Howard. Mike Howard
was an unusual guy, with his gay side kick Gary. Mike's head,
(the visible one) was the shape of a Q-tip. Yes, Mike Howard
was a human Q-tip. Oh, the fun we used to have at Mike's expense.
He was a human target. He was from Johnson City where ETSU was
located, but his parent's, (obviously not liking him either),
made him stay at the ETSU campus instead of letting him live
at home. Mike meant well on occasion, but still took a good
brunt of our practical jokes, some which for censorship reasons,
we can't tell online. But there are a few we can. The first
of which, well we knew and like Mike's roommate, Dave Berens.
Dave Berens like so many others though, didn't like Mike. So,
Dave would have me and Joe down to his room on occasion. While
there I would help myself to say some of Mike's peanut butter........
using just my hand instead of a utensil. Or we might do something
to Mike's ohhhh drinking water, or other various food he had
in his fridge. Gosh, poor boy, who knows what sort of diseases
he has by now. To top off these many, many travesties at Mike's
expense he went and bought himself a Hamster. Oh, how Mike adored
this furry little rodent. It was his pride and joy. Well, as
a funny joke I borrowed some Vodka from our Resident Assistant,
(who was mortified of me and Joe), and thought how cool it would
be to see Mike's Hamster drunk. So, I switched it's drinking
water with the Vodka. Well the next day, Mike notices his hamster
was walking around funny, and could hardly stand up on it's
four feet, well who would of thunk, the hamster drops over dead.
Guess they can't handle their liquor that good. Well, Mike has
it a proper burial and all, and mourns it's passing. Well, thinking
this is partially my fault........ partially yes, the RA provided
the Vodka, I dug up the hamster and thought if they could do
it on Flat Liners then why can't me and Joe, after all Joe's
a Biologist. I bring up the shoe box to the room where Joe's
screaming" WHAT do you mean you want to revive it????"
Well, Joe after the initial disgust goes along with me and we
try to shock the little fur ball back to life using a coat hanger
attached to a plug in. Well, after kicking the dorms main breaker
three times, and making large burnt marks on the dead fur ball
we give up. I wanting to do what's right by the dead fur ball
and give him one night more with his former master put him under
Mike's pillow, where he didn't discover him till the next morning.
Yes, as Dave heard mike screaming," WHO WHO could have
done something so sick." Ahhh the fond memories of poor
old Mike, the human Q-tip............
