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Jimmy was first mentioned in the Coolidge Stories.




 My cousin helps Pat with this website and does the Bagboy Chronicles and Coolidge elementary stories. Here is a few stories about Jimmy who was introduced in the Coolidge stories.


We went to a small elementary school called Coolidge, a very interesting place as you may have saw from the Coolidge stories section. That is where I first met "Jimmy". Jimmy in his early form was like many people who attended Coolidge. Rather unlearned to say the least. This could be expected of say..1st graders. Unfortunately for Jimmy, his shocking ignorance would continue for a good 2 decades and as far as I know rages on to this day.

By the time most people get to 6th grade they have a basic understanding of nature. life forms/inanimate objects and what not. Not Jimmy. He was completely convinced that rocks were not inanimate objects, but living things. How else were there pebbles and boulders if little rocks didn't grow into huge rocks? Jimmy was so convinced of this that he actually made a bet with the teacher that if he put a rock in the window sill and watered it like a plant that it would actually grow bigger by the end of the school year. I think we all know the outcome of this bet. Jimmy lost of course but somehow managed to get a passing grade in science.


That's Jimmy though. Really...this is one of his finer moments. His complete lack of ability to think through the consequences of his actions will be featured in later stories. His total disregard for logic and things that make sense in general. His ability to digest foods even the most iron stomached among us would pass on.  Several stories will follow the misadventures of this very unique individual.


    Jimmy's outdoor adventures.

Jimmy was an avid sportsman. He loved all things outdoors, hunting, fishing, you name it, Jimmy did it. Sadly Jimmy didn't exactly use a ton of common sense while engaged in these activities. Jimmy also didn't follow the game laws either. Nor did he really bother with boating laws or really any other law that applied to any outdoor activities.

I enjoy outdoor activities myself, so on occasion I would (usually very nervously) go hunting or fishing with Jimmy. Back in the 1990s Jimmy and I enjoyed fishing out at the White Bridge at Campbell County park. Jimmy had a car that he pulled his little boat with and the car didn't have a gas lid like new cars, merely a gas cap that screwed onto the gas neck on the side of the car. As we would go fishing Jimmy would always fill his tank with gas, inevitably upon our return to the car Jimmy's tank would be nearly empty. I tried for an entire summer to get Jimmy to buy a locking gas cap. He absolutely refused on the grounds that they cost too much. Well they cost about $10 for a very good one back then and Jimmy lost $10-$15 dollars in gas every time we went fishing. So I tried to talk him into maybe not filling up immediately before we would go fishing. He also refused to do that. He figured if he did they'd be able to steal the gas until the tank was completely empty.  So I'd figure over the course of that summer Jimmy lost probably $300 worth of gas (it was around $1.00 a gallon then) because he refused to spend 10 bucks on a locking gas cap. Well, as you can gather math, or common sense isn't a strong point for Jimmy.



Jimmy's passing science was an even more stunning accomplishment than I thought at the time since some years later, Jimmy, with utmost seriousness revealed to me that he had no idea that the moon got bigger and smaller because the Earth's shadow was passing in front of it.  We were fishing and he told me that his father had told him that a large bird ate the moon every month and that it grew back.  I was stunned.  A grown man  in his 20's not realizing why the moon got bigger and smaller. I guess maybe that's one reason he thought rocks grew. He actually refused to believe me when I explained the whole moon rotates around the Earth thing.  "Nuh uh, that can't be real. Your makin that up. My dad wouldn't lie to me.", is what he would say.

More to come soon.

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